Cancel Culture: Nobody is “safe”

In the last few years the term ” Cancel culture” is more and more common and a lot of people are very conflicted with the related phenomenon.

According to the Urban Dictionary the accurate definition is “A modern internet phenomenon where a person is ejected from influence or fame by questionable actions. It is caused by a critical mass of people who are quick to judge and slow to question. It is commonly caused by an accusation, whether that accusation has merit or not. It is a direct result of the ignorance of people caused communication technologies outpacing the growth in available knowledge of a person.“

After the horrible event of George Floyd’s death and the police brutality, a phenomenon has started in the US, the iconoclasm.

According to the Urban Dictionary the accurate definition of an iconoclast is “One who attacks traditional or popular instutitions: an anti-establishment person. Also someone who destroys or defaces religious images or objects.”

Several statues were destroyed and razed to the ground, because they symbolize the white colonialism and enslavement. This phenomenon has reached the Italian statues too, in fact the Statue of Idro Montanelli has been “under attack”. This is in response of a tv interview that has emerged recently, where Idro Montanelli talks about his great work as a journalist ( he was, in fact, considered one of the greatest Italian journalist of the 20th century) during the fascist missions aimed to colonize the Eritrea. During this interview, Idro montanelli candidly and with no shame declares that he bought a 12 years old girl from the father and made her his wife. His literal words to “justify” himself were “She was twelve, this is how it works in Africa. I “rightly” married this twelve years old girl, in the sense that i bought her from the father. She would bring me my fresh laundry.” After the founding of this old interview, it went viral and an anti-montanelli huge campaign has started. A lot of people wanted that the Statue on his honor, located in the Park named after him in Milan, to be torn down. And personally i do agree with it. Montanelli’s actions CANNOT be justified by the fact that “in africa it works like that” because if he had done the same thing in Europe, he would have been labeled as a pedophile and a rapist, and rightfully so, i may add.

Montanelli’s statute in Milan, smeard with pink paint and the slogan ” RACIST RAPIST”

Here’s the interview of Montanelli debating with the feminist activist Elvira Banotti on his childbride.

With every phenomenon comes the dark side of it, the extremism. In the US the movement #DisruptTexts ( a movement made by people whose purpose is to cancel some classics from the school’s program and add more inclusive, anti-racist, feminist and so on books) has brought the cancel culture to the most extreme. The books under attack were in particular: The Odissey by Omero, The Scarlet letter and The author F.S. Fitztgerald.

My personal opinion

I can see how some of this book may be considered sexists ( for example the scarlet letter) but at the same time i think it can open a debate on how the vision of women was and the ongoing slutshaming and victimblaming, and analyze the text from a new perspective which is ” how things have changed? what did we do? has the situation improved? How can we fight against sexism, slut-shaming and the victim-blaming?”. As far as the Odissey attack, honestly, i don’t really see the problem with it, but maybe it’s just my white privileged opinion. In the case of Fitzgerald, i wouldn’t cancel him but i’d rather give credits to the real author behind the most famous books of Fitzgerald. I’m talking about Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald. Francis scott’s wife and muse whose ideas and notes were stolen by Fitzgerald and published under his name. I don’t think we necessarly have to cancel Fitzgerald but rather spread the knowledge about Zelda as an author.

Emma stone in the movie “Easy A” wearing the scarlet letter.

Here’s an interesting article on the Zelda and Francis Fitzgerald story.

https://www.domestika.org/en/blog/7192-zelda-fitzgerald-the-writer-who-was-plagiarized-and-silenced-by-her-husband-f-scott-fitzgerald

The perks of being a wallflower-Noi siamo infinito engl/ita analysis

Does pretty priviledge really exists? : Analysis on the Ted Bundy case

In the last year the youngest are starting to raise the matter of “Pretty priviledge”, I’ve seen videos all over tik tok, the famous social media, and i couldn’t not look into it and make my personal consideration on the topic. The first thing the popped up in my mind was the Ted Bundy Case: one of the most heinous murderer in the U.S. The trial had a significant media reaction, mostly because a lot of people couldn’t believe that someone so charming and beautiful could commit such horrific crimes. But besides this attractive facade there was : murder, rape and necrophilia. Ted bundy may have killed more than 100 women ( 36 confirmed), decapitated 12 victims and his usual modus-operandi was to allure the victim by asking for help or faking an injury . Then he would rape them and beat them to death. He escaped prison twice and in the end was sentenced twice for death penalty and on January 24, 1989, Bundy was executed around 7 a.m. at the Florida State Prison in an electric chair . You may ask why Ted Bundy became so famous, aside from his heinous actions, well he was in fact described by the press as good looking, charming and a good speaker, he even represented himself in court. His partner, tried to report him to the police but they didn’t believe her until she went a second time with some evidence. The most disturbing thing is, in my opinion, the fact that most people couldn’t believe that Ted Bundy was capable of such crimes just because of his beauty.

Ted Bundy

Zac Efron as Ted Bundy

My personal experience and opinion with pretty priviledge

I’ve seen both sides, by being the ugly one and by being more attractive. People do treat you differently, most men are not usually nice when you’re not attractive but when my appearance changed i’ve noticed how people would treat me differently. Women were intimidated or would jugde me harshly to undermine my self-esteem. Being friend with a man became mostly impossible, they always had an agenda. The uglier you are, the easier it is to make friends but more difficult are the chances to find someone really interested in you. The prettier you are, the more people try to hit you up and treat you nicely but at the same time they assume that you’re a brainless dumb. Accordingly with our society you can’t be both. Smart and Beautiful. I’m referring to the standardized concept of “Beauty” that i do not endorse because i think that everyone is unique and you can’t really fit someone’s appearance into one pre made box. I’m still me, just a little different. Also, another factor considered “good” for your the beauty standards is when you loose a massive amount of weight, which i did, by going from 78 kg to 52 kg in one year. People always congratulate me as if i reached a form of worthiness just because i’ve lost weight. Behind a huge weight loss there’s always some personal reasons that you don’t even know, let alone can imagine.

Covid-19 and domestic abuse: the darkest side of the global pandemic

During the covid-19 pandemic and the several lockdowns worldwide, many surveys have shown a significant increase of domestic abuse since January 2020. Yes, we can all agree that all the restrictive measures have severly affected our mental health but as Jacky Mulveen, project manager of Women’s Empowerment and Recovery Educator says “Covid doesn’t make an abuser”. This phenomenon is so wide that has even a name, “Shadow pandemic”.

Here are some datas to give you a general overview on the increasing phenomenon during the pandemic:

+ 300% in Hubei, China

+25% in Argentina

+30% in Cyprus

+33% in Singapore

+50% in Brazil.

+200% calls for domestic abuse in the UK

+73% calls for domestic abuse in Italy

(Source: American Journal of Emergency Medicine and the United Nations group U.N Women)

WARNING: sensitive contents and images.

Here comes the hardest part for me: sharing my personal experience to help others who might find themselves in this type of situation. I won’t give any specific detail about the person who physically and verbally abused me because i haven’t reported the domestic violence.

First of all, the question that pop ups in everyone’s mind when i tell them what happened to me is “why did you stay? Couldn’t you leave?” and everytime this question would come up i wanted to scream ” IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING EASY”.

Imagine finding yourself knowing a person for a long time, this same person gives you attention, love, affection and makes really big statement about their feelings for you and the endless love that they feel for you, then one day in an ordinary fight they slap you. Your brain and heart have really an hard time processing rationally what happened. At first, i thought “why would they do that? Do i deserve it?”. Your brain can’t accept this kind of pain and it makes any type of excuses to justify the other person’s violent act. The thing is, that if something like this happens, a “simple” slap in the face, you should rationally run away as far as possible from that person, because the situation can only become worse and i’ve seen it and lived it.

Sometimes i feel ashamed, because i think to myself “You. A huge femminist, always on the line against any type of discrimination and violence allowed this person to stay and physically and verbally abuse you. you must be crazy” but then i try to not be so hard on myself and to feel empathy for myself.

A slap wasn’t enough to leave, their hands on my neck, the bruises on my chest, neck and face weren’t enough to leave nor was it them spitting on me during an argument or throwing water at me or picking me from the hair while screaming how worthless of a woman i was. I was blind, completly fucking blind. One day this person was the perfect partner and the other day would become this horrific person.

If i close my eyes i can still hear their words echo. “no one would believe you, you’re crazy, you made me do this, i’ve never done something like that before,you led me into it and you’re trying to destroy my life, it’s not that big of a deal, i’m not leaving you because you are completely alone, you suck, you are a disgusting woman, go kill yourself, if you try to report me i’ll drug you in your sleep so that they would think that you’re just a crazy junkie, you are a whore and so on.” Leaving this relatioship was one of the hardest thing that i had to do in my life, and it was also one of the most traumatic experience that probably i won’t ever forget.

Now you may ask yourself why didn’t i report the abuse. Again, it’s not that easy, because the system won’t give enough help to the victims but rather blaming them in a lot of cases and let’s not forget about the slugshiness of bureaucracy. At the end of the day it’s their word against mine.

After these photos of my body after some fights with this person, all that i can say is: RUN AWAY AT THE FIRST RED FLAG if you can.

“if they verbally abuse you, they will physically abuse you, if they physically abuse you, they will kill you. It’s not a matter of if but when” by lieutenant Joe Kenda.

This is me. A part of the percentage of abused victims during the 2021 Covid-19 pandemic.

This is my “Shadow pandemic”.

How to get over a break-up (during a global pandemic)

We can all agree that breakups are the worst and everyone has been through at least once during their lifetime. however, what happens when you are breaking up during a global pandemic? Well, in my experience it’s pretty hard, but i “survived”. All of my friends and blogs/ articles/videos had many suggestions to get over a breakup ( I’m not ashamed to admit that i did several research on the topic, but i mean, we all have our low points in life right?). So let’s see what has worked so far and what not.

A pill for an heartbreak: would you take it?

https://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/if-a-pill-could-ease-your-heartbreak-or-enhance-your-relationship-would-you-take-it-1.5985496

Okay let’s start with my friends suggestions and my rates:

• Going out and leaving the house 6/10
• Working out 8/10
• Study 9/10
• Watching tv series or movies 4/10
• Finding a rebound guy 3-4/10

Let’s analyze each one of them. The first one is going out or leaving the house in general, i rated this 6/10 because where the hell should i go during a global pandemic? walk? okay and then what? Nope, not really effective.

The second suggestion was working out. In the first month i could barely eat and leave the bed let alone working out. However, after 2/3 months i started working out six days per week and I’ve gotta say, it was pretty useful to blow off some steam. Working out was pretty effective, that’s why i rated it 8/10.

Now, the most controversial suggestion was studying, because when you’re heartbroken, craying desperately in bed, studying it’s not the first thing on your mind. But you know what? It freaking helps. Apparently, i tend to work better when i’m suffering and i turned into a workaholic version of myself. I do like this version, it makes me feel powerful and it gives me a sense of general control on my life. So i couldn’t not give 9/10 as a final rate.

Now, let’s talk about distracting myself with tv series and movies. I do know that this works perfectly for some people but honestly it wasn’t ideal for me. I tend to overthink and especially to empathize and fully compare my life to everything that i watch, so this suggestion was no good for me. Every quote, every word would remind me of something that has happened before the breakup and honestly i didn’t want to face this feeling.

Okay, here we are with the last suggestion, finding a rebound guy. I guess that this one is really a personal experience because i’ve seen many people getting over their exes with a rebound, but for me? Nope, it didn’t work because i tended to compare every guy with my ex. I was always like ” my ex would have done/ said/acted/answered differently”.

Online research (videos, articles etc) suggestions and my rates:

• Going out especially with friends 4/5
• Changing your hair/ outfit 4/5
• Do not, I repeat, do not contact and stalk the ex on any social media platforms 10/10
• Working out again 8/10
• Getting to know new people (not on a romantic level) 6/10
• Meditating/ Journaling/ listening to empowering podcasts 8/10

Okay we’re here again rating the suggestions above. Let’s start with going out with friends, again the most exciting thing during a pandemic what can be? being isolated at home to ruminate and it’s not ideal. The suggestion was going out with friends.

1. I repeat where the hell should i go during a global pandemic?

2. What if you have 2 friends and one of them is in a relatioship so they don’t really have much time? So that’s why i gave 4/5 on this.

Now let’s analyze changing hair/ outfit. I mean i do like my style so i didn’t find any reason to change it, maybe shopping could have been therapeutic on a certain level, but that’s all. As far as changing my hair, i did it, i went full blond and cut my hair shorter than i ever did before and i do like how it turned out. Was it helpful? not really, so i think that 5/5 it’s fair enough.

Not stalking or contacting the ex for any reason, was the biggest and most useful thing. It did really help me to detach and get used to a new routine. A solo routine, it is good to be by your own and enjoying your own company. Not contacting and especially not stalking on social media ( we all know the expression “out of sight, out of mind” well, it’s definetely true) has helped me tremendously, so that’s why i rate this 10/10.

I won’t talk again about the effectiveness of working out, i still stand on the previous statement of 8/10.

Now let’s see the suggestion regarding the socialization aspect. Again WHERE THE HELL SHOULD I MEET NEW PEOPLE DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC??? and let’s be real here , dating apps have the word “dating” in it for one reason, people are not there to make meaningful friendships but rather romantic or mostly sexual ones. So you can guess my rate..yep exactly 6/10, i mean, the idea per se it’s not that bad, but it’s not really an option during a global pandemic.

Now there are the more ” spiritual” suggestions: meditating, journaling and listening to empowering podcasts. As a far as meditating, i did enjoy to have a moment all by myself to detach, think, breath and it made me feel more relaxed, calmed and focused. I did like to journal, i mean i write here online, why wouldn’t i have liked it? and when it comes to the empowering podcasts, they were great not only because my mind was focused on something else, but because while distracting myself, i was at the same time improving my english by listening to american podcasts.

General conclusions

According to many scientists “romantic love is an addiction, however, perhaps none is more convincing than the growing data from neuroscience. Using fMRI, several scientists have now shown that feelings of intense romantic love engage regions of the brain’s “reward system”: specifically, dopamine pathways associated with energy, focus, motivation, ecstasy, despair, and craving, including primary regions associated with substance (and non-substance) addictions.” So yeah, breaking up it’s as hard as quitting smoking or breaking a bad habit. But we can adjust to new habits and routines. On average it takes up to 66 days to be exactly to adjust to a new routine. You just have to wait, trust the process,your own strenght and most importantly you must remember the old-fashioned but still correct expression “time heals everything”.

The Handmaid’s Tale: is it just a distopian tv show or it may actually become a reality?

” There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. In the days of anarchy, it was freedom to. Now you are being given freedom from. Don’t underrate it.“

THE HANDMAID’S TALE

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Today, on September 2, the most extreme abortion law takes effect in Texas. This law will ban abortion after six weeks of pregnancy and most people were shocked by it, cause by the time that a woman realizes she may be pregnant, six weeks may already been passed. And this law isn’t even the most disgusting thing, the biggest one, in my opion, is the “reward” of 10,000 US dollars given to the citizens who report abortion providers. Is this really the society we want to live in? A society of wistleblowers, but not common ones, these are people against women and their freedom.

Why did i pick the handmaid’s tale as an example? it’s pretty understandable why, if you have seen the tv show or read the book, but if you didn’t, i’ll explain it to you. The handmaid’s tale shows a utopian society were the american government has fallen, and now it is named the Government of Gilead. This republic was established to fight against the low fertility rates and the environmental pollution. It doesn’t seems that bad, right? WRONG. It is not a republic. it’s a totalitarian and theonomic regime. The society that we all know doesn’t exists anymore. The targeted people in this regime are women, lgbtq+ people, academic teachers, priests and so on. In these society only the fertile women are considered “useful”, you may wonder why, well they’re useful to be monthly raped but the Gilead government sugarcoats it as “the ceremony” where these women are raped by the generals with the presence of their “infertile” wives. So, this is a brief summary of a great book and tv series adaptation.

Why do you think i chose this example and compared it to the texas new law? I think you might guess my answer. In both situations, Distopian and real, women are only seen as an object and therefore as a fertile uterus with no human presence attached to it. Let’s be honest here, prolife people declare that they do care about the unborn embryon ( i do specifically used this word because at 6 weeks it’s not a baby, it’s a freaking embryon) and its safety. And what about the woman? no matter the circumstances, it’s her body, therefore her choice. Now, let’s be real prolife people don’t give a crap about the baby, they do care about having control over women bodies. I do have hope for the actual younger generation ( Millenials and GenZ) because they are politically involved and i do trust their judgment and political choices. One day they will be on charge and I strongly believe they will make a huge difference.