What depression feels like

Living with depression is no picnic for sure. Unfortunately, it’s one of those things that you have to learn to live with. 

In Italy, mental health is still a taboo and is a topic that is treated very poorly. Fortunately, the younger generations are more informed and attentive to these issues because, following this pandemic, they are also the most affected. 

Personally, I’ve had many ups and downs in my life, but the last year has been the most difficult for me, so I’m struggling to move forward without collapsing completely. The only thing that is currently keeping me going is studying and making my family proud. 

Unfortunately, when the suffering is so big, we tend to become particularly selfish, the pain prevents us from being rational and therefore from thinking that the people around us can also suffer seeing in this state. Unfortunately when the peaks of depression are very high the only solution seems to be to cry yourself to sleep and stay in bed for days. Let’s not talk about one’s personal hygiene, which can remain completely unconsidered for days. It almost sounds gross but unfortunately it is the harsh reality, when the mental pain is so strong, believe me, taking a shower is not on the list of things to do. Eating becomes an option or a consolation, depending on the period. You look for anything that might help you to dissociate from the pain. Sleeping, alienating yourself on social media for hours. I was able to stay locked in the house for a month straight with no problems. When people started freaking out about the restrictions imposed by the government I almost laughed because for me it wouldn’t have changed my life at all. 

One thing I definitely hate as a person who suffers from this disease, because it is a disease, is when they give me shitty advice like “go out, take a walk and listen to some music, trust me! It’s simple, it’s all in the mind!, if you want it you can do it”. It’s like if I told a person in a wheelchair that in order to walk they simply have to want it. So you can understand the frustration. The annoying thing is simply not knowing how each day will be; will I wake up in a good mood? will I have a crisis? will I be okay? Every once in a while I wish I could have some peace, I think I deserve it. You should never underestimate certain issues and especially if you are really hurting seek help, any help you can get.

651 67 62 81 – Telefono amico Call this number if you find yourself in crisis and you’re in Italy.


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