Archivi tag: #loveyourself

Does pretty priviledge really exists? : Analysis on the Ted Bundy case

In the last year the youngest are starting to raise the matter of “Pretty priviledge”, I’ve seen videos all over tik tok, the famous social media, and i couldn’t not look into it and make my personal consideration on the topic. The first thing the popped up in my mind was the Ted Bundy Case: one of the most heinous murderer in the U.S. The trial had a significant media reaction, mostly because a lot of people couldn’t believe that someone so charming and beautiful could commit such horrific crimes. But besides this attractive facade there was : murder, rape and necrophilia. Ted bundy may have killed more than 100 women ( 36 confirmed), decapitated 12 victims and his usual modus-operandi was to allure the victim by asking for help or faking an injury . Then he would rape them and beat them to death. He escaped prison twice and in the end was sentenced twice for death penalty and on January 24, 1989, Bundy was executed around 7 a.m. at the Florida State Prison in an electric chair . You may ask why Ted Bundy became so famous, aside from his heinous actions, well he was in fact described by the press as good looking, charming and a good speaker, he even represented himself in court. His partner, tried to report him to the police but they didn’t believe her until she went a second time with some evidence. The most disturbing thing is, in my opinion, the fact that most people couldn’t believe that Ted Bundy was capable of such crimes just because of his beauty.

Ted Bundy
Zac Efron as Ted Bundy

My personal experience and opinion with pretty priviledge

I’ve seen both sides, by being the ugly one and by being more attractive. People do treat you differently, most men are not usually nice when you’re not attractive but when my appearance changed i’ve noticed how people would treat me differently. Women were intimidated or would jugde me harshly to undermine my self-esteem. Being friend with a man became mostly impossible, they always had an agenda. The uglier you are, the easier it is to make friends but more difficult are the chances to find someone really interested in you. The prettier you are, the more people try to hit you up and treat you nicely but at the same time they assume that you’re a brainless dumb. Accordingly with our society you can’t be both. Smart and Beautiful. I’m referring to the standardized concept of “Beauty” that i do not endorse because i think that everyone is unique and you can’t really fit someone’s appearance into one pre made box. I’m still me, just a little different. Also, another factor considered “good” for your the beauty standards is when you loose a massive amount of weight, which i did, by going from 78 kg to 52 kg in one year. People always congratulate me as if i reached a form of worthiness just because i’ve lost weight. Behind a huge weight loss there’s always some personal reasons that you don’t even know, let alone can imagine.

Covid-19 and domestic abuse: the darkest side of the global pandemic

During the covid-19 pandemic and the several lockdowns worldwide, many surveys have shown a significant increase of domestic abuse since January 2020. Yes, we can all agree that all the restrictive measures have severly affected our mental health but as Jacky Mulveen, project manager of Women’s Empowerment and Recovery Educator says “Covid doesn’t make an abuser”. This phenomenon is so wide that has even a name, “Shadow pandemic”.

Here are some datas to give you a general overview on the increasing phenomenon during the pandemic:

+ 300% in Hubei, China

+25% in Argentina

+30% in Cyprus

+33% in Singapore

+50% in Brazil.

+200% calls for domestic abuse in the UK

+73% calls for domestic abuse in Italy

(Source: American Journal of Emergency Medicine and the United Nations group U.N Women)

WARNING: sensitive contents and images.

Here comes the hardest part for me: sharing my personal experience to help others who might find themselves in this type of situation. I won’t give any specific detail about the person who physically and verbally abused me because i haven’t reported the domestic violence.

First of all, the question that pop ups in everyone’s mind when i tell them what happened to me is “why did you stay? Couldn’t you leave?” and everytime this question would come up i wanted to scream ” IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING EASY”.

Imagine finding yourself knowing a person for a long time, this same person gives you attention, love, affection and makes really big statement about their feelings for you and the endless love that they feel for you, then one day in an ordinary fight they slap you. Your brain and heart have really an hard time processing rationally what happened. At first, i thought “why would they do that? Do i deserve it?”. Your brain can’t accept this kind of pain and it makes any type of excuses to justify the other person’s violent act. The thing is, that if something like this happens, a “simple” slap in the face, you should rationally run away as far as possible from that person, because the situation can only become worse and i’ve seen it and lived it.

Sometimes i feel ashamed, because i think to myself “You. A huge femminist, always on the line against any type of discrimination and violence allowed this person to stay and physically and verbally abuse you. you must be crazy” but then i try to not be so hard on myself and to feel empathy for myself.

A slap wasn’t enough to leave, their hands on my neck, the bruises on my chest, neck and face weren’t enough to leave nor was it them spitting on me during an argument or throwing water at me or picking me from the hair while screaming how worthless of a woman i was. I was blind, completly fucking blind. One day this person was the perfect partner and the other day would become this horrific person.

If i close my eyes i can still hear their words echo. “no one would believe you, you’re crazy, you made me do this, i’ve never done something like that before,you led me into it and you’re trying to destroy my life, it’s not that big of a deal, i’m not leaving you because you are completely alone, you suck, you are a disgusting woman, go kill yourself, if you try to report me i’ll drug you in your sleep so that they would think that you’re just a crazy junkie, you are a whore and so on.” Leaving this relatioship was one of the hardest thing that i had to do in my life, and it was also one of the most traumatic experience that probably i won’t ever forget.

Now you may ask yourself why didn’t i report the abuse. Again, it’s not that easy, because the system won’t give enough help to the victims but rather blaming them in a lot of cases and let’s not forget about the slugshiness of bureaucracy. At the end of the day it’s their word against mine.

After these photos of my body after some fights with this person, all that i can say is: RUN AWAY AT THE FIRST RED FLAG if you can.

“if they verbally abuse you, they will physically abuse you, if they physically abuse you, they will kill you. It’s not a matter of if but when” by lieutenant Joe Kenda.

This is me. A part of the percentage of abused victims during the 2021 Covid-19 pandemic.

This is my “Shadow pandemic”.